Costumes Guaranteed To Humiliate Your Dog
Let’s be honest for a second. It’s no secret that we love our dogs. They are the only creatures on the planet that will love us unconditionally. There’s an old joke that asks, “How can you tell whether your wife or your dog loves you more?” The answer is, “Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour and find out which one is happy to see you when you open it.” (Not that you should EVER do that. Ever.)
Dogs adore everything about us, and it’s no secret that the gentle ego boost dished out by their undying admiration is one of the biggest advantages to owning one. But they serve another purpose, as well. A darker purpose. Ready for it? We use them for our own amusement. That’s, right. We mess with them, play with their ears, teach them tricks, and dress them in silly costumes so we can laugh hysterically at their humiliation. And the best part? They still love us anyway.
Here are the top 10 dog costumes guaranteed to humiliate your dog.
1. Blues Clues Costume
Dressing your cute, spotted dog like a famous, cuter, spottier dog is a surefire way to make him feel inadequate.
2. Cat-in-the-Hat Costume
Your dog is a dog. Yet you're dressing him like a cat. In a hat. Humiliation doesn't even begin to describe how he feels.
3. Ballerina Costume
There's something beautiful about the juxtaposition of a meaty, loafy dog with an underbite wearing a frilly pink tutu and jeweled crown. His expression says it all.
4. Indiana Jones Costume
No one's as cool as Indy. So making your pet wear this costume is just plain cruel. Yet hilarious.
5. Fairytale Princess
Your dog is not a princess. Your dog will never be a princess. And if you can get your dog to go more than 45 seconds without ripping this costume to shreds, I commend you.
6. Bride Costume
"Lassie! Licking yourself while wearing your bridal gown is not very lady-like."
7. Punk Costume
Putting more hair on an animal already covered in it is just plain cruel. Luckily that aforementioned hair would prevent leather chafing. So really, the pros outweigh the cons.
8. Flapper Costume
Unless you want to subject your dog to sexist catcalls while people stick $1 bills in the straps of her dress all night, you should probably spare her the embarrassment. On second thought... $1 bills? This could be lucrative for both of you.
9. Leprechaun
You should never force anyone to be a red-headed midget. It's just not nice.
10. Smurf Pet Costume
This needs no explanation. How can something be so wrong, and yet... so right?
